


D.I.Y corporation

by Igraine_smiley



Series: Our favourite demons + Aziraphale and Ryan (and Steven) [4]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crossover, Demon Shane Madej, First Meetings, Gen, Humor, Sasquatch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 03:24:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19455334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Igraine_smiley/pseuds/Igraine_smiley
Summary: "Oi!" a voice called after him "who are you? Are you trying to scare them to death? Who sent you?" A thin ginger came into view. He was dress in furs like the other humans but his clothes were pitch black and his eyes were reptilian gold. He was a demon. He was the serpent of Eden."Owwggg!! Aghhh!!!" He tried to answer but he could only make weird noises. The demon before him rolled his eyes and clicked his fingers "oh! That's much better! No one sent me, I sent myself. I'm Beleth, Prince of hell. Who are you?""Crawly but I'm thinking of rebranding myself" he got closer "What are you doing here looking like that?"OrShane was trying to get around hell's bureaucracy so he tried a shady DIY way to create a corporation but things went wrong.





	D.I.Y corporation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fienf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fienf/gifts).



> For Fienf that gave me this wonderful idea.

Hell was, well... hell. You couldn't expect much to be honest but heaven wasn't a ball either. From his memories before his trip down the naughty angel garbage chute, heaven was dull as fuck. It was all about awful music and stuck up angels but he had heard that there was a place where things were interesting: Earth. The problem was that demons, even high-ranking ones like him, couldn't go there without involving a ridiculous amount of paperwork. Hell was like a constant line, paperwork and an eternally malfunctioning printer all mixed together. To go to earth you had to request a corporation and that took a lot of time and Beelzebub kind of hated him so he was probably the last on their list for a human-like body.

There was only one fallen on Earth; Crawly the serpent that had brought humanity into sin. He could pay him a visit, he wasn't a threat to a prince after all. He went to hell's library, which was a library like any other but without any kind of logical order. Books were stacked on top of one another forming weak towers and they were all scribbled over and none of them had all its pages. There was no catalogue or index and the librarian main duty was to change the placement of the books every day but hey! At least they had books.

With patience and with no help whatsoever from the demon librarian, he found what he was looking for. A book about corporations. It was squished between a cooking and a Spanish for dummies book. He was going to find a way to go around hell's bureaucracy. He was making a corporation himself! How hard could it be?

It was really hard actually, he had been going over the instructions for an hour and he wasn't sure he fully got them. He was sure they were written to not be understood and the fact that someone had drawn a… what was it… a cat? An Octopus? I didn't matter, the fact that some asshole had drawn something in red crayon over the last paragraph didn't help at all. He decided to give it a go anyway. What was the worst thing that could happen?

After some demonic chanting and energy canalizing he found himself on Earth. Very dizzy but on Earth. The first thing he noticed was that he was tall, like very tall but humans came in tall too. I mean, he never saw a human up close before but he got the basics. Two legs, two arms, a head and a bunch of hair. He was in a forest that much he could tell. He had never seen so much green in his life, even before angels had rained head first into hell. He was surrounded by cone shaped tall trees and above him an endless blue sky. It was truly beautiful. He took a few steps and felt coldness under his feet. He noticed that a faint layer of a white and freezing substance was covering the ground.Earth was weird! He walked around taking in every small detail until he saw the brightness of a fire peeking through the bushes. As he got closer he heard a rhythmic chanting. It was nothing like an angel's choir, this was nostalgic and full of life. It made you want to dance along the song. He took a few steps and he saw them, God's favorite creation: the humans. They were dancing and singing around a bonfire but as soon as they spotted him they stopped in their tracks to watch him with their tiny faces full of fear. The mothers hold tightly onto their children, silence took over the scene and suddenly hell broke loose. Everyone started screaming and running away knocking baskets and tents in their way. He tried to speak to assure them he wasn't going to harm them but only a deep howl came out of his throat. That was not how humans were supposed to sound. That growl was so different from the articulated words the people were yelling at him. Maybe he fucked up the corporation. Some of the humans stopped panicking and started to shoot pointy sticks and throw stones at him. That was his cue to leave. He bolted in the the opposite direction with his new heart beating fast in his chest. What did he do wrong? He just wanted to see what earth was about. They couldn't have notice he was a demon!

"Oi!" a voice called after him "who are you? Are you trying to scare them to death? Who sent you?" A thin ginger came into view. He was dress in furs like the other humans but his clothes were pitch black and his eyes were reptilian gold. He was a demon. He was the serpent of Eden.

"Owwggg!! Aghhh!!!" He tried to answer but he could only make weird noises. The demon before him rolled his eyes and clicked his fingers "oh! That's much better! No one sent me, I sent myself. I'm Beleth, Prince of hell. Who are you?"

"Crawly but I'm thinking of rebranding myself" he got closer "What are you doing here looking like that?"

"What do you mean with _looking like that?_ " He exclaimed. He had put a lot of work in his corporation and was kind of proud of it.

"What are you supposed to be? A monkey? A oversized gorilla?" The demon lifted an eyebrow "the people at corporations must really hate you" 

"What?! I made this myself!" He pointed at his body. 

"It shows! You took a few creative licenses" Crawly must noticed he wasn't getting his point across so he exclaimed "Look at your hands, mate!" 

He obeyed. They were big and extremely furry. He took a look at his also enormous feet and he realised he didn't look like a human at all. Fuck demonic instructions. He didn't look like Crawly either. His entire body was covered in fur too.He could only guess how his face looked like. Damn it. He was a creature.

"That's why you should do a tad more research before attempting a D.I.Y corporation, dumbass... I mean... your highness." 

"I just wanted to visit earth!" Beleth groaned "hell is such a bore!"

"Well, it's not supposed to be nice" the other demon replied "I guess you can stay for a while. They'll be terrified of you for generations but stick around if you want. Just don't cause much discord, I'm supposed to be the only demon here" Crawly made a pause and looked at the ground "Also… there's an angel on Earth, stay away from him" Crowley glared at him "He… he's really dangerous. Crazy powerful. Has a flaming sword and everything. I wouldn't risk it" Is not that he couldn't take an angel but he was going to play by Crawly's rules. If he said keep away from the angel, keeping away from the angel it was.

He stayed on Earth for a bit, not long enough to actually meet the angel. He got some thrills out of scaring the tiny humans. They gave him a name: Sasquatch and he loved it. He'd throw rocks and shake trees. Sometimes he'd howl at night to hear them scream back in terror but it got old soon. He decided to discorporate himself after a few weeks. He threw himself out of a cliff. He made a scene out of it, It was kind of cool. 

It took him a few more tries to get the whole human appearance right but he always miscalculated the height of his vessels no matter what. He kind of liked being taller than everybody else so he didn't care that much.


End file.
